My Bloody Valentine 3D (Theaters)

I’m a sucker for slasher flicks.  While there have been some really bad and forgettable ones in recent memory, I had to satisfy my desire for decapitations, gore and of course T&A.  Add the fact it’s in 3D, I couldn’t wait to see this movie.  For all the hardcore fans, you’re either going to love or hate this movie.  For the masses, it’s probably just another excuse to snuggle with their other half or get a taste of what the future of cinema might be, namely 3D.

The movie stars relative new comer Jensen Ackles as Tom Hanniger, Jamie King as his former love interest Sarah and Kerr Smith of Dawson’s Creek fame as Axel, the town’s sheriff.  The story opens with a brief prologue of newspaper clips about Tom Hanniger (Ackles) causing an accident in the mines he works for that is also family owned.  The accident sends the lone survivor of five, Harry Warden, to the hospital where he lies in a coma.  One year later on Valentines Day, Harry Warden wakes up and goes on a massive killing spree.  The horror ends with Harry Warden being shot to death in the mines he works for.  Fast forward ten years on Valentine’s Day, the killings begin again and mayhem ensues.

To make a successful slasher flick, one needs to follow the simplest formula: a creepy killer, decapitations, gore, nudity and most important, a logical and easy to follow story line.  While MBV manages to nail all these on point, the movie drags a bit too long especially for a 3D feature.  While there are some cool effects, and one scene in particular that drew some laughs from the crowd a la 3D, I wasn’t all that impressed.  It makes me think back to shorts I saw at Universal Studios Florida, Terminator and Honey I Shrunk the Audience.  Both features were shot in 3D and were very enjoyable and “real”.  Because the two features were short, they made the most of the 3D effect by throwing everything at you non stop.  From the T-1000’s mercury finger coming at you in Terminator to the huge bugs flying your way and a dog literally sneezing in your face in Honey I Shrunk the…(for any of you that watched the latter, you know what I’m talking about), it was truly an incredible experience.  I understand these two features had theaters specifically built for that, and we certainly cannot ask for props to be installed in our local cinemas but the folks at Lionsgate should have tested a couple of short films to see how the audience react.  Maybe they did and to the masses it was successful, but to hardcore fans? 

This is just another film to add to the good/decent list.  The 3D features will no doubt impress the teeny boppers sneaking in and those easily amused, but for the minority it just falls short.  I could be wrong, and maybe it was the angle I was sitting at that didn’t allow me to belch out ooh’s and ahh’s like some.  But for $10.25?  I felt ripped off.  Aside from the cheap 3D effects, or lack thereof, MBV managed to hold my attention long enough to a pretty predictable ending despite a bland 2nd half. 

Overall, MBV is good but not great.  While the incorporation of 3D is a good attempt at reviving the genre in light of much hyped remakes coming out like Friday the 13th, MBV could have used more tension as I never felt like the characters were in a whole lot of danger.  The acting isn’t particularly great especially from Ackles who reminds me of a cheap Freddie Prinze Jr., but who are we kidding?  The acting isn’t supposed to be good anyway!  Most will like it, some will love it and the rest will hate it.  Despite that, MBV is worth the watch if you’re willing to dish out the cash.  But in these hard economic times, who wants to spend an extra two dollars to see a full on butt naked chick run for her life?  I did, and I bet you will too.

3 bloody stars out of 5